As long as I can remember, I have struggled. I have wanted to be popular, to want to have a soul mate, to be successful, to understand what my life is about. In spite of what certain people think, I have always applied myself to what I do, to go further than enough. I have no regrets. I think with all that hacking away at the outer rock, I have slowly carved myself as myself.
In this world of selling and consumerism, we are told we need to be slimmer, have bigger breast or dicks, own the newest gadget, be with the in crowd, travel to exotic places, own designer clothes, dine at the best restaurants, own a mansion, have maids, be able to have sex all night and then have stronger orgasms, look young till we are in the coffin, even have a silk padded coffin. Whatever. Marketing preys on our insecurities. In many ways we do not comprehend, we amplify our insecurities. In some ways it is simpler to be a native lost in the woods. I suppose there are petty bickerings, but the major issue is what is there to eat and where should one live. I do not think that material life causes so much unhappiness, until they get a television set and get all the sub-conscious or conscious marketing.
Everyone has an idea of what right is, how we can be happy, satisfy our needs. And they will tell you. People make themselves feel better by telling you what is wrong with your life. Well, they may be right or they may not. We all have to find a way to figure this out for ourselves. For in spite of what some great leader or thinker may say, we ultimately have to live with ourselves.
I have sampled some really nice things in life. And the best things in life can give you a momentary high, like a drug. But if you are a fundamentally insecure person, you can never be happy.
I have put my effort in and struggled to be the best, and I am just not the flavor of the day. But far from depressing me, this has given me great relief. I do not regret my experiences and now I have a better perspective of what life is about.
For me at this point of time, emotional comfort and sexual gratification are part of the human nature, not that far off from eating, breathing and shitting. Fame, wealth, comfort, luxury are all optional. If we can take care of or overcome our innate needs, it is not necessary to pursue all that external craving. I am not talking of getting enlightened either. I am not that spiritually advanced. I think we have all heard about stopping to smell the roses, and this is exactly what I mean. For me, I have begun to enjoy have a nice studio, good food in Joo Chiat, roller blading at East Coast park, exploring abandoned spaces in Singapore.
Well, some people can say Ngiap Heng is like the wolf talking about sour grapes. Not really, I still want success and the soul mate if I can ever get them. But I am not going to mope around being depressed if they do not come. I have a lot going for me already, I will just appreciate what I have instead of getting depressed over what I have not. Everyone has some things going for them and some things that are not. But we should not listen to all that advertising crap preying on our insecurities. We also have some good things going for us, enjoy that mate.
Here is to smelling the roses and knowing it takes shit to grow roses.
1 comment:
The most important thing in life is to be content: be it the past which molds us to be the person now, be it the present which we are today and be it the future which is the uncertainty.
There's many ups and downs in life but we don't stop in our tracks to dwell or rejoice over the events. Instead we used them to move on to the next step.
Even when you are feeling out of sorts, you have past experiences to help you look at the present situation and plan for the future. Nothing is absolute and nothing is impossible.
Just hang in there and you will see soon :) You have what it takes so time is your factor.
- R
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